The Daily Diatribe

2008-08-11T16:46:00.002-06:00

Fuck The Heck?

2007-09-16T02:35:00.000-06:00

FireJoeMorgan has pointed me in the direction of this ...So apparently Mike Pagliarulo feels that he has some ability to analyze baseball, which he is hilariously incorrect about. This is only a small example of the treasure chest that is BaseLinereport.com ...Unexplained charts and prospect value analyses, unbridled hatred towards Billy Beane and his love of selfish walks and homeruns (For the love of god, please check out the "Money Haul" post Pags has blessed us with.) When I checked back tonight, apparently Pags has created some kind of "fundamental pitch count" that he charted for last night's pitching matchup of Chien Ming Wang and Josh Beckett. I've spent a good part of the night thinking "fuck the heck?" I don't know anything about Pagliarulo's "scouting" background or anything, but I'm a bit skeptical to call him a professional in terms of evaluating pitching. This scares me:

In an attept to scout a major league player (NY Yankees rhp/Philip Hughes), submitted 9/6/07 by Keith Law:

Why is Hughes’ stuff down? One possibility is that his left leg is still causing him trouble, since both the hamstring injury that landed him on the DL and the ankle injury that kept him there were to his left leg. His landing is now very soft, and it looked like he was babying that leg rather than landing firmly and pushing off that leg as he drives through his delivery. If the leg is indeed still bothering him, it would explain both the loss of velocity and the lack of sharpness on his curveball.

Baseline Correction- Hughes’s leg if fine just ask the trainers, the problem with his mechanics is the fact that he is young and undeveloped, Keith. He is a tremendous talent and has a bright future, but his problem is simply rushing off of his back side. In terms of understanding from a fans perspective; the big right-hander is anxious and a bit jumpy during this crucial part of the season.

He is being forced to learn at a very young age prior to the time of his complete development. During the game and his time on the mound, he tends to over-throw rushing his head forward, the correct mechanics would allow him to keep his head back, letting his arm work out in front. This action of rushing forward produces an inconsistent arm slot, as a result, he leaves his breaking ball up in the zone. His fastball is capable of getting hitters out up in the strike zone and at this time he is pitching in that area but not by design. Capiche Keith?

I'm not even sure I could call this analysis in any form. What the hell point does he make? The "Baseline Correction" just had me laughing.

"Just ask the trainers"

Riveting, I'm convinced, thank you Pags.

" the problem with his mechanics is the fact that he is young and undeveloped, Keith. He is a tremendous talent and has a bright future,.

Yup, he nailed it. "Young and undeveloped" gotcha. So Hughes has been pitching...5 months 6 months tops??? T-Ball in April and just called up from Coach-pitch this June. The next part just shows me how undeniably assholish Pags is...are you ready?

but his problem is simply rushing off of his back side. In terms of understanding from a fans perspective; the big right-hander is anxious and a bit jumpy during this crucial part of the season.

Pags doesn't wanna get technical with his "Rushing off his back side" talk, so "from a fan's perspective," because we all know the IQ of a baseball fan is at the very least 60 points lower than Pag. They won't understand something so technical as "rushing" because Hughes (in idiot terms because I belittle my audience too) has a boner over Derek Jeter and Yankee Stadium. Pags doesn't even bother to follow Hughes rushing with video evidence or anything, just he's rushing because he's "anxious" and "jumpy." Analysis from somebody who is actually intelligent would show that Hughes' problem is something that has been developing for awhile, he has become less compact with his lower body and is opening up his shoulder in terms of following to the plate. Not sure where this "rushing" idea comes from. But I didn't watch Hughes' last start so maybe Pags saw something...who the hell am I kidding?

P.S. Posts have been far and between lately, not sure what's gonna happen. I'm kicking around the idea of starting a fantasy baseball blog, moreso for my own entertainment and way to gather ideas for myself, but if anyone wants to read, then what the hell. There are a ton of resources out there that I could get it done with, especialy with HitTracker and the first full year of Enhanced Gameday results. Which is the beautiful thing about baseball, It's such a linear game that it it translates levels and has many predictable outcomes. In my opinion it is infinitely easier to dominate fantasy baseball with the right information, and I think I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg. Updates to follow.

Simply...Dumb

2007-08-08T15:20:00.000-06:00

Kevin Wheeler has blessed us all with his genius idea! Now I must say that I have never heard of Kevin Wheeler. Apparently he has a show on St. Louis radio station KMOX that I'm sure has a commanding audience. Let us use our monkey-phonics reading skills to peruse this piece in Sports Review Magazine.

Cardinals can and should go after A-Rod this offseason

Rodriguez could become the best baseball player ever to hit the free agent market... and TWICE. Its insane that the Yankees could even contemplate losing a generational player. Nevermind the Yankees, its insane that the Mariners or Rangers let him go...well I could excuse the Mariners because only a crazy hick asshole like Tom Hicks pays 252 million for a player that the next best offer was 180 million (Red Sox) for the same length!! Every time I think of that deal and Tom Hicks I immediately see the Rich Texan from the Simpsons with the bolo tie and twin revolvers shooting off in the air and Tom Hicks jumping up and doing a heel click when A-Rod agrees to the contract. YEE HAWW!!!

Yeah, I said it.

It's really not that shocking that you think a baseball team should go after the BEST player in the major leagues, but continue.

I meant it too.

Good for you

Whether they will admit to it or not, the Cardinals have the means to sign the best all-around player in the game and make him their starting shortstop for the next 5-7 seasons. Not only can they do it, they should.

Why?

Because Mr. Rodriguez is the best baseball player on Darren Daulton's Rotating Spherical Dimension?

Two reasons: winning and money.
This team lacks production in the middle of the order and having someone like A-Rod hitting 4th would erase that gaping hole in the middle and put everyone else in a better place.

Oh, I guess I only thought of one reason... And yes, Abert and Alex hitting 3-4 would just be disgusting. Mass migration of pitchers to the Japanese league or something. But the duo would probably still come second chair to Ruth/Gehrig.
OPS+ EqA SLG RC/27
Ruth: 207 .368 .690 12.93
Gehrig: 179 .346 .632 11.14

Pujols: 169 .342 .622 9.71
Rodriguez: 146 .323 .575 8.05

(Interesting note: just for my sick pleasure I looked up David Eckstein and Juan Pierre's RC/27)
Pierre: 4.53 (THIS MAN IS MAKING 44 MILLION OVER 5 YEARS!!! RC/27 this year: 3.62, nice work Colletti)
Hustlehoff: 4.19

Who could better protect Albert Pujols than the youngest player to ever reach 500 home runs?

In a word, nobody

Regardless of what they would have to pay him - let's just say $30 million a year for the sake of argument even though I doubt that's going to happen - he would make the team money rather than drain them of it. This is a guy who is going to be chasing down 800 home runs 5-6 years from now and there hasn't been a hint of steroid abuse with A-Rod.

This is where Kevin starts getting stupid. Is it really regardless of what we have to pay him? Really? 30 Million dollars a year. That is 1/3 of the Cardinals current payroll. And you can bet your ass he gets paid 30 million, Boras is the most shrewd negotiator in all of sports, he will get what he wants whether its 30 million or the enslavement of all people from Azerbaijan. And Rodriguez is GUARANTEED to drain the Cardinals franchise money. Why? Because of this that you didn't account for: The Cardinals currently have sold out EVERY GAME this year and will continue to sell out at least in the short term, for 3 or 4 years. So there is literally no financial reason to invest 30 million/year because there simply will be no return, you cannot possibly put more fans in the seats than there already are. And merchandising will not see an improvement either. The little idiots who think they're cute that buy the David Hustlehoff, Juan EnKarnacion, and So Taguchi jerseys will simply switch to A-Rod jerseys the same as if the Cardinals brought in some C or B class player.

Coming off a tumultuous stint in New York, A-Rod would likely welcome the calm and friendly atmosphere of a great baseball town like St. Louis. He would love it here. People would love and cheer for him without feeling the need to peck at his every move in search of some flaw they could exploit.

I love this argument, because its Saint Louis, you should play for only 75% of what you would get on the market...because we're nice people. That's a great negotiating tool...idiot. Cardinals fans are idiots, I'm a huge Cardinals fan, and let me tell you, I see firsthand...and A LOT. But I have a theory I may go in more depth to later, that we also have the best fans, but most A) do not live in St. Louis, and B) aren't 1/395th as obnoxious. If you find a Cardinal fan who really knows the game, its quite an enjoyable conversation, they really are everywhere. Do you know what Alex Rodriguez would not welcome? Any guesses? Probably that Busch III has held a Park Factor Rating of 98 for both of its years of existence. This place quells homeruns, not a place Alex Rodriguez wants to play baseball 81 times a year...He would be best served by going somewhere that is homer happy, like the southside of Chicago. The Cell has posted Park Factors of 103 the past three years, and 107 in its first year.

Don't let Cards' ownership fool you. They have the money to make this happen if they want to. As I pointed out in this space two months ago (http://www.kmox.com/pages/552947.php?contentType=4&contentId=585129) , the money is there. It should also be pointed out that having someone of A-Rod stature chasing big time home run records will GUARANTEE strong attendance in the future regardless of whether or not the team is winning. Look at the Giants - everyone HATES Bonds but they sellout every home game and are the 4th highest drawing road team in baseball this season despite being a last place team. Imagine what that could be with A-Rod chasing 800 homers...

Ok, fair enough. The chasing history or whatever would put fans in the seats...but like I already covered, no more seats to fill, at least in the immediate future (which occur during his few prime years left) And the money is there... right. I get it, they are rich and have made a lot of money by owning the team. But that doesn't mean they are going to go buy platinum urinals. No businessman in his right mind is going to burden his costs that much when he gets the same return. The truth is that the Cardinals hold a slightly above average payroll compared to the rest of the league, and winning is not exactly the highest priority as it is in markets like New York and Boston. Its still important, but I'm sure being in the black comes first.

While A-Rod may or may not want to come to St. Louis, the Cards owe it to themselves and to their fans to make an honest effort to land this megastar. Here's how they can make it happen....

No, the owners don't owe anything to the fans, they put up a winning product for the better part of 12 years and let me tell you, winning last year definitely was an accident. I think the most surprised people out of everybody was the coalition of Cardinal owners. Them holding the trophy last year, they had this look like, "are you fucking kidding me?" I've had this feeling for awhile now that the Cardinals owners are set on selling this team relatively soon. Probably in the next 2-4 years. They made an investment in the 90's when they bought the team from Anheuser-Busch. And now that investment has matured as seen here. Seriously, only Utopian cardinal fans believe that this ownership has a winning first attitude. According to Forbes in April 2007, the Cardinals are now valued at 460 million. The trio of Fred Hanser, Drew Baur, and Bill DeWitt bought the club for 150 million in 1995. What the owners did in '95 and into '96 was bring in solid management with Jocketty in '95, and later the entire LaDuncan regime. These owners are VERY GOOD at what they do. The winning was a side effect of a well oiled business machine. They made the right moves by having Jocketty come in, LaRussa...arguable. Moneyball has changed the scope of everything and they need to turn some pages to catch up. I think moving Luhnow to GM would be a fine start. Back to the owners. Don't think for a second these owners are hobbyists that had a true love of Cardinal baseball and just want to see the team win. They are very good businessmen who made an investment, and saw it triple. Bravo. They are not stupid enough to do this. This team is prepping to be sold.

1) Allow David Eckstein, Kip Wells, Preston Wilson, So Taguchi, Russ Springer and Mike Maroth to walk at the end of this season. That will save them $13.75 million heading into 2008. These are all replaceable parts. Some have had solid tenures in St. Louis, some have not, but none of them are essential to the future of this franchise.

This is the obvious of obvious. I will be sincerely pissed if any of these players are on our roster come spring 08. Wilson is basically retired already, Eckstein will hopefully find someone dumb enough to sign him so we can pick up a draft pick (not sure if he would be a type B or C though). The rest of the scrubs, meh, Springer's been playing over his head, not worth it to have him post a four and a half ERA next year for 2mil.

2) Find a way to deal RF Juan Encarnacion and free up at least a portion of the $6.5 million he is owed for next season. If they simply dump the salary without asking for anything significant in return they might find someone to take all of that contract. Heck, the Pirates took on nearly $14 million for Matt Morris so there has to be someone willing to take $6.5 million for a solid corner outfielder with playoff experience. Combine that with the above savings and you have $20.25 million to play with. If they can find anyone to take Adam Kennedy, even if the Cards have to eat half of his remaining salary (he is owed a little more than $6 million for the next two years) they can save $3 million. $1.5 million a year would not be too much for another team to add Kennedy as a reserve infielder, that's about what reserve infielders make anyway, and the Cards have Aaron Miles, Brendan Ryan and Jarrett Hoffpauir to play second base.

Finding a way to deal Encarnacion is not simple in the least. Encarnacion is just an odd baseball player. It's been said before that Mark Kotsay was the perfect League Average baseball player. I think it's also true of Juan. He puts up the SAME numbers every year, and stays relatively healthy, this being the first year he has missed significant time. That said, he wouldn't be easy to replace. There's no real MLB ready replacement in the Cardinals system, and the Free Agent market looks pretty grim, especially if you were to make a serious run at Rodriguez. The trade market has never really been strong for Juan types. Maybe a couple of C prospects. I'd just assume keep him, 6.5 mil is becoming coffee beans for starting right fielders who put up league average numbers.

3) Raise the payroll from $96-100 million this season to $120 million for next season. As I pointed out in the article linked above, the money is there to make this kind of increase. If they say they can't afford that then they're lying.

They're not lying, they just have no reason to waste 30 million. Makes no sense from a business standpoint.

It is also important to note that the team can also save another $36.8 million after the '08 season by letting Jim Edmonds, Juan Encarnacion (if he's not dealt before then), Jason Isringhausen, Mark Mulder, Braden Looper and Scott Spiezio walk away. They'll all be older, less valuable players after '08 than they are now anyway so I don't see any reason why letting them walk at that point would be terrible. If Mulder pitches like his old self in '08 then maybe you consider keeping him around for 2-3 more seasons but the others can be replaced by cheaper in-house options.

Mulder has been a complete bust. It's sad that his problem was purely mechanical, and it could have been dealt with when he came over in 2004, but his continued lower arm slot really created problems for his shoulder. This is really telling on his shoulder. It's true, the BOB will certainly save money when CF prospect Colby Rasmus and closer Christopher Perez take their spots in 2008 and start earning their league minimum.

The team can also take solace in the fact that Scott Rolen's contract will come off the books about halfway through a 5-7 year deal for A-Rod. Rolen is up afte 2010 and that'll save $13 million a year.
With all the potential savings I've mentioned here the Cards could afford A-Rod and a veteran starting pitcher for the rotation. Aside from Carlos Zambrano, who I believe will stay in Chicago, there aren't any #1 starters available in free agency but there are some reliable veterans that could give the team some innings. Guys like Tom Glavine, Greg Maddux, Andy Pettitte, Kenny Rogers and Livan Hernandez (not great, but guaranteed to save the bullpen) will be out there. That way you can piece together the rotation early in the season, rely on a deadly offense and deep, talented bullpen to get you by until someone (Dontrelle Willis? Johan Santana?) is available before the trading deadline.

Okay, lets all take some PCP and pretend Rodriguez comes here for 28mil a year. Can this team still win with a rotation of Wainwright, Looper, Reyes, a not 100% Mulder, and this mythical 10 million pitcher. Jesus Christ NO! That rotation will not win very many games.
2007
Runs Allowed/9 Innings: 5.26
Runs Score/9 Innings: 4.33

Now that is a huge freaking gap to close. One ten million dollar pitcher isn't gonna help much without Carpenter in the rotation. This team will rely heavily on a rebuilt Mark Mulder. And I am really curious who Weeler thinks out of this free agent crop is worth a ten million dollar investment. Players do not accept 1 year deals on the open market unless its a special deal like Clemens or someone who knows it will be their final year. So giving a multiple year deal to Glavine, Maddux, Pettitte or Rogers is not very smart considering that I could see all retiring after this year. Here are the free agents for this coming winter: Righthanders and lefthanders. There is some serious work next year for the GM, whether it be Jocketty or Luhnow. I'm a firm believer in paying big for hitting and rolling the dice with pitching. I honestly don't think Rodriguez alone would be enough to put this team on top. I think the Cards should kinda go with the philosophy they've had for the past few years. Throw enough shit at the wall and hope for it to stick. I liked the Kip Wells deal, high upside low risk. Maybe something along those lines with Matt Clement or Randy Wolf or another pitcher who has struggled with injuries on the cheap. The Brewers could be looking to rid of Dave Bush which would be a big mistake in my mind, they should feel around for him or someone about to reach arb. years.. Big risk pitching contracts can really kill a team. Mike Hampton, Darren Dreifort, Chan Ho Park, Kevin Brown, etc... If we were to add Rodriguez, even attempting to go for Santana would be out of the question because he will command the same pay. Overpaying for overrated pitchers like Willis also is not the answer. Pitchers are infinitely more luck based and injury prone than hitters. I think smart GM's should pay the large sums to hitters who stay healthier and are much less of a performance risk, and develop the young pitching from within by drafting heavy on pitching in the draft because it is much cheaper. It remains to be seen what 2008 holds as far as upper management goes, but in my mind it will heavily heavily influence the direction this team goes. If LaRussa stays, the money will definitely be thrown towards some lower tier veteran free agents. But I think LaRussa and Jocketty aren't coming back, just a hunch. In that case, this team will likely enter rebuilding mode if its sold. Of course depending on the pocketbook of the buyer, which actually could be a blessing considering its gonna cost A LOT of money to buy this team.

So, with all of that out of the way, here is how I would envision this team looking in 2008 with A-Rod and a starting pitcher coming on board and raises due for several younger guys (some of those salaries are estimates by yours truly and they are marked with an * )...

C. Yadier Molina ($3,000,000) *
1B. Albert Pujols ($16,000,000)
2B. Brendan Ryan ($400,000) *
3B. Scott Rolen ($13,790,000)
SS. Alex Rodriguez ($30,000,000)
LF. Chris Duncan ($2,000,000) *
CF. Rick Ankiel ($500,000) *
RF. Jim Edmonds ($8,000,000)

B. Gary Bennett, C ($900,000)
B. Aaron Miles, IF ($1,500,000) *
B. Ryan Ludwick, OF ($500,000) *
B. Adam Kennedy, 2B ($3,500,000)
B. Skip Schumaker, OF ($400,000) *
B. Scott Spiezio, IF-OF ($2,400,000)

SP. Adam Wainwright ($2,500,000) *
SP. Mark Mulder ($6,500,000)
SP. Braden Looper ($5,500,000)
SP. (free agent) ($10,000,000) *
SP. Anthony Reyes ($400,000) *
CL. Jason Isringhausen ($8,000,000)
RP. Tyler Johnson ($600,000) *
RP. Josh Kinney ($400,000) *
RP. Ryan Franklin ($2,000,000)
RP. Randy Flores ($1,000,000)
RP. Brad Thompson ($500,000) *
RP. Chris Perez ($325,000) *

That comes to $120.6 million dollars of payroll for 2008. Now bear in mind that this is just a 1-year increase of that magnitude and that's assuming the addition of a $10 million starting pitcher. After '08 they have another $30 million coming off the books with players who can be replaced cheaply. Edmonds ($8 million in '08) is replaced by Colby Rasmus at the minimum. Izzy $8 million) is replaced by Chris Perez near the minimum. Spiezio ($2.4 million) is replaced by a younger, cheaper player. Looper ($5.5 million) can be replaced by Jaime Garcia making the minimum after '08. Adam Kennedy can be replaced after '09 by Jarrett Hoffpauir.

Theres a major major issue that Wheeler is missing here. Chris Carpenter is on the books for 10.5 million and he doesn't account for that. Now that is a huge chunk of money and really would put the owners in a bind accounting for a 130 million dollar payroll which would make the cardinals 3rd in payroll in the MLB. oops.

Once again, for the record, I don't believe that A-Rod will actually get $30 million a year in his next deal. I think it'll be more along the lines of the $25 million per season he makes now...

I will bet you any amount of money on any odds, if you read this contact me.

So, in closing, this team absolutely could get A-Rod to wear Cardinal Red. All it would take is a short-term committment to increasing the payroll. Long-term they would make obscene amounts of money by having him around - imagine all the A-Rod jerseys they would sell, all the sponsors they could have with a guy like that chasing home run records - and then everyone would be happy.

Hypothetically yes...making money, definitely not. Let's just think about this really quick. Assume Hanser and co. don't sell the team, and they are set to pay Alex the 5/150 you are talking about...How much profit have they made over TWELVE YEARS? nah 150 mil is nothing. So they've made on average 30 mil/year. That would be asking to go dead even for the next 5 with A-Rod's contract. Not gonna freaking happen. Maybe Darren Daulton can get me drunk and we can travel to another dimension where this happens and i can prove Kevin Wheeler wrong...that would be cool.

Even though it makes perfect sense (and cents) don't hold your breath waiting for it to happen. This team doesn't strike me as being forward-thinking enough to make this all happen.

You are dumb

Just A Thought...

2007-07-10T21:36:00.000-06:00

As we get closer to Barry Bonds breaking Henry Aaron's hallowed Home Run mark, Bud Selig is contorting, twitching, and writhing in pain over if he should attend the record breaking event....nah, we all know he's snorting coke off a dead transsexual hooker in San Francisco. But John Brattain at the Hardball Times has an interesting idea.

"If I might offer a suggestion on how to handle this, you may wish to do the following…

... be in attendance for home run No. 755. After Bonds has hit it, go onto the field and declare the all-time home run record a tie and in the future, should anybody else hit 756 HR—this time it counts!

That'll Do It

2007-07-08T16:18:00.000-06:00

That is the end of Napoleon McCallum's career. Watch it a few times, soak it all folks. Doesn't that just make you feel good all over? He suffered a ruptured artery in his left knee, and tore three ligaments, tore the calf and hamstring from the bone, and suffered nerve damage.

Now that's how you end a career.

Bill Maas... American Hero

2007-07-08T09:16:00.001-06:00

story

Hey, give the man a break, he's a broadcaster for Fox Sports... You need a lot of drugs in your system to work for that network. He's just living the dream and the cops are just hating on a brother.

I said it.

Gay Photo Alert

2007-06-28T13:21:00.001-06:00

Yikes. You would think someone in the Mets PR would nix something as laden with the gay as this...maybe not.

Earl Weaver Likes His Pitchers To Stick Bats Up The Other Team's Ass

2007-06-20T21:03:00.000-06:00

My favorite part about this, is that he was this angry about his team BEFORE the game.

Stop Snitchin'

2007-06-19T04:28:00.000-06:00

Who would have thought that Major League Baseball and the Stop Snitchin' Movement had so much in common. For the MLB, they have no Cam'Ron to lead their crusade of killing snitches like this guy , this guy , and this guy. Instead it's this man-twat. Now Selig's latest actions should make even the casual baseball fan induce projectile vomiting. What we do know, is that Selig is planning on suspending Jason Giambi relatively soon. Now what it will be for is an entirely different question. Selig is talking both straight from his asshole...and straight from his asshole (All of Bud Selig's orifices are indeed assholes). On one side he is threatening to suspend Giambi for talking in a recent USA Today article. But he's also threatening to suspend Giambi for not talking to the head of baseball's independent steroid investigation, George Mitchell. Clearly a win-win situation for Giambi. I'm not quite sure what Selig is trying to accomplish with this, outside of trying to save how future generations will look on his record with the steroid scandal. This just reveals to me that Selig is a petty asshole who cares nothing of the game he leads. THT's John Brattain weighed in on the subject and I couldn't agree more with this:

"He’s created a situation where players are unlikely to talk.

Which is what he probably wants. Selig isn’t trying to get to the bottom of anything. Mitchell isn’t digging for management’s complicity in this fustercluck, Selig is trying to keep the focus on the players. What Bud wants from this investigation is:

1) Make sure that public perception is that performance-enhancing drugs was a baseball players scandal—not a baseball one.
2) Demonstrate to Congress and the public that the Mitchell investigation proves that he is a crusader on a mission to get to the bottom of this dirty business and restore the game’s integrity.
3) Show Congress that he is indeed "serious" about purging anabolic steroids from his sport by coming down hard on those miscreants guilty of using them. "

For Selig, it's not about the integrity of 90's baseball or the future of the game, it's all about saving face on his legacy as he finishes out his tenure as commissioner. He's trying to reflect himself as some kind of modern day Kenesaw Mountain Landis, who is ridding the game of its ills. What he's really doing is creating an extremely unhealthy environment for players who want to come clean. The very idea of Giambi placing at least some of the blame on the MLB higher ups, scares the crap out of Selig. He truly wants this as "a player's scandal." If he fails at making it a player's scandal, it will add to the many controversial/unhealthy things that have stricken baseball in the last 10+ years under his watch. The least of which include talent diffusion through expansions in '93 and '98, a taxing player's strike in '94, and the institution of a weak playoff system that has become in all honesty a crapshoot. In my eyes, his handling of the "steroid scandal" is completely inappropriate in all regards. This has to be the tipping point for baseball fans. We have to realize that Selig is not a crusader who will save the day, but simply a roadblock to progress. His two sided "stop snitching" stance is utterly unacceptable when the sport is at a crossroads. But once Selig leaves, is a solution to PED's even possible? Getting the players union and the owners to agree on something is always difficult, much less a getting an issue like PED testing resolved. But I think a permanent solution could come within the next couple of years. Giambi's remarks are very encouraging in that they recognize a) there was a problem b) something should have been done c) Not enough is being done now. So that brings us back to a solution, and the obvious answer: that the way to rid baseball completely of PED's is to institute rigorous testing like the NFL has done. But things are never that simple between the owners and the MLBPA. I think we could all agree that the healthiest outcome of steroid testing would involve the owners and players agreeing on a resolution, instead of imposed restrictions from the owner's office or (God help us if it ever came to this) Congress. However, where are we left if that resolution never comes? I've always wondered why the MLBPA can't take things into its own hands and police itself. They could require their members to undergo spot testing throughout the year and into the offseason, and impose hefty fines on violators. I think the true answer lies somewhere in the middle. Personally, I could give two shits about PED's. I think the whole thing is entirely overblown as earlier ranted here. But I'm in the minority on this one and I realize that. So we need this solution to the somewhat imaginary problem...It's just more likely that this man has the true secrets of time travel than Selig having the true answer to PED's.

Mark Kiszla is a Giant Prick

2007-06-14T00:18:00.000-06:00

I think Kiszla has put himself into the running for Prince of Douchebaggery '07 with this slice of filth. Now this might be a slight stereotype, but judging from the looks of Kiszla, please forgive me if I'm wrong, but I'm gonna go out an a limb and say that he's no expert on "the hippity hop" or whatever these kids are calling it these days. What Kiszla does in this article, is draw(actually fails at drawing) a freaking bizarre correlation between J.R. Smith's recent car crash in which his friend died, and the "hip-hop lifestyle" that Smith has "embraced." Let's dissect the gold:

"The basketball career of Nuggets guard J.R. Smith is speeding down the highway to Hades."

Sweet jesus that is lame. Not sure if that's what they teach you in J-school, since I'm a dropout myself, but a more honest beginning for Kiszla would go like: "I like Adam Morrison because he listens to white people music, unlike these damned hippity hoppers who are destroying the game."

"And that's the least of his worries. A funeral awaits a friend, while the law sifts through the wreckage of a deadly car accident."

"What's infuriating is Smith tried so hard to live the lyrics of a rap song that he could now become tragic inspiration for a rhyme about a professional baller who threw it all away."

So...by getting in a major traffic accident, in which unfortunately a good friend of his died, J.R. Smith was simply portraying what he hears in Jay Z, 50 Cent, and Dr. Dre's music???

"Born to a good home, raised by two loving parents and made rich as a teenager by the NBA, Smith was so desperate for the street cred glorified by hip-hop culture that he became a poseur, thinking if he wore baggy shorts half off his bum, then maybe Carmelo Anthony, Kenyon Martin, and teammates who came up from mean streets would accept him."

r(eireaoihgr!#$h57 God knows that those khaki cargos and spray bottle of Nautica cologne I carried gave me sick screet cred in grade school. The straight to NBA/automatic social deviant case is a loose one. I'd say LeBron has handled his money/life well...Garnett, even Kobe and Melo. Sure there are golden examples of players getting craploads of money at a young age and behaving poorly... Elijah Dukes, Mike Tyson, and Doc Gooden probably being the best one.

"Smith is a gangsta wannabe who got lost in a dangerous game of make-believe."

4y3jktigu34qtq...Am I missing something? Have they concluded that the cause of J.R. missing the stop sign last Saturday was due to that venomous rap music? Or was he just speeding? Just speeding? OK. So it wasn't cuz the new T-Pain album makes you ignore stop signs? You confuse me you crazy bastard Mark Kiszla. Keep it coming.

"Feigning cool to hide insecurity, Smith found trouble more ways than you can count during the past nine months. He got suspended for a brawl in a game at New York. He got in a fight with teammate Jamal Sampson that the Nuggets kept hush-hush. He got booted from the playoffs by coach George Karl."

Well since I learned to read and count, (thank you hooked on monkey phonics) I count three accounts that you give (4 including this ACCIDENT), certainly three or four is not as high as I can count (I hope). The first of which is defensible in my opinion. In the Knicks/Nuggets brawl seen here, I can't say I would react differently, what Mardy Collins did was totally out of line and is very reminiscent of the Todd Bertuzzi hit on Steve Moore that paralyzed him. Collins came after his neck hard and Smith was fortunate to get up, I think we can forgive him for being a tad bit pissed off.

"But is he sorry?"

"Although the young player once amassed 27 points on his driving record in less than a year and a New Jersey prosecutor vows an investigation to determine whether Smith should face more serious criminal charges, there was no mention of an apology in the team statement released Tuesday."

Of course he's sorry and of course there was no team statement, the man just lost a good friend in an accident that HE is the cause of, and of course Smith is more than likely terribly shaken. Do you really think a team statement from J.R. is the ultimate show a remorse? Have some damn sense. If I was in Bell's family and I had just lost a loved one, why would a team statement have any weight whatsoever?

It's true, Smith has been far from a model teammate or citizen, racking up 27 points on his license in less than a year. It's just frustrating that Kiszla doesn't emphasize his reckless driving record, and instead blames the hip hop lifestyle, which would be an allbeit dumb argument, but still an argument if he used something to freaking back it up. He keeps reiterating throughout the article that Smith is "white" by all standards of society: growing up "down the clean working-class street from where Bruce Springsteen grew up," and learning the urban life from shows like "The Wire" on HBO. The most frustrating thing is that Kiszla never draws any connections with the poisonous hip hop lifestyle, he just slams it without regard. I guess in Kiszla's eyes, If you wear baggy shorts and listen to Jay Z, you get what you deserve if you die in a car accident.

Elijah Dukes Hates Condoms...Loves Foster Children

2007-06-12T22:17:00.000-06:00

Just when you thought that crazy asshole Elijah Dukes couldn't get into more trouble, the St. Petersburg Times is reporting that Elijah has now dispersed some of his baby gravy in none other than an underaged Foster child that was staying at his step-grandmother's house. The Times reports that the sex was "consensual" and "no crime was committed." My favorite part of the story is that it goes on to tell that the sex happened "on the living room sofa." Now that's quality journalistic material and brings a certain factual integrity that the St. Petersburg Times needs. I'm actually surprised that Dukes had enough class to slip his seed on his grandmother's sofa. I took him for being more of a back of a stolen '91 Toyota Corolla guy. The article mentions that when Dukes was told that he was the father, he threw a Gatorade bottle at her. To be fair, the manner of the throwing of the Gatorade is not mentioned, it could have been that Dukes was meaning to christen his new baby's momma with gatorade, showering her vulva with the drink of champions. Dukes has really shown range with his arrests and behavior. He's been arrested for assault, resisting an officer, possession of marijuana, had a restraining order from his wife put on him for threatening to kill her and their children, and coming this winter, will be his sixth child from 5 different women. There really is no parallel athlete on the planet. He's turning into a fun amalgamation of Mike Tyson, Damon Stoudamire, and Shawn Kemp.

Tony Parker is taking it to the streets.

2007-06-10T02:19:00.000-06:00

Warning: French rapping.

I love how hard Tony is trying to make himself look... He's goddamn Tony Parker!

God I hope the Cavs win.

Oh yeah, and if the Spurs win, it will be the seventh championship for Robert Horry. Think about that for a moment.

Ron Mexico has his papers, don't front.

2007-06-06T23:42:00.000-06:00

As everybody knows, Michael Vick might very well be prosecuted with charges of illegal dog fighting, animal cruelty, and all that jazz. yahoo

I learned from this article that Michael Vick is a licensed dog breeder... and that just makes me wonder... how in the fucking hell did that happen? I mean... what all do you have to do to become a licensed dog breeder... is it like getting your drivers license renewed or something?

We here at The Daily Diatribe were lucky enough to find a copy of the application Vick filled out to become a dog breeder and we'd love to share it with you now.

Just go ahead and click the picture to view the full application that Vick turned in.

As you can see, he only filled out the first couple of lines, and we've learned that attached to the form was an envelope that said "fuck this shit I'm Michael Vick" and inside of the envelope was ten grand.

None of that is true. Or is it? Well, it's not for me to say.

Hahaha... lamest way to break your leg ever

2007-06-06T23:00:00.000-06:00

Okay, so it's during a kickboxing match... and that's pretty manly or gay or something... I don't know. Anyway, he kicked the guy, all the other guy did was block his kick and the white dude's leg just turned into jelly. Wimp. Drink some milk, Jesus.

I have no idea who that guy is... and I don't really care.

The Ducks win the Cup

2007-06-06T22:50:00.001-06:00

The Ducks win their first ever Stanley Cup championship, shocking the hockey world... which consists of fifteen Americans and the entire country of Canada.

Who cares?

Congrats are in order, I suppose... I mean... they did win the most highly regarded championship in all of hockey... wait... I still don't care.

Great playoff beard, Scott Niedermayer, jesus christ... look at that thing.

Knibb High Football Rules!!

2007-06-06T03:21:00.000-06:00

Cheerleading Mishaps

VIDEOVAT.COM > GET AWESOME MYSPACE VIDEOS FREE!!

Mmm... blood

2007-06-05T15:32:00.000-06:00

This one is so brutal that it's mesmerizing.

The goalie who got sliced was Clint Malarchuk, a Canadian goalie who played for Québec Nordiques, Washington Capitals, and Buffalo Sabres. This famed injury occured on March 22, 1989 with the Sabers hosting the Blues. Blues player Steve Tuttle colided with Uwe Krupp of the Sabers and the two of them slided right into Malarchuk, slicing open his external jugular vein. Malarchuk somehow managed to get off the ice under his own power and the team trainer and Vietnam medic Jim Pizzutelli pinched his neck closed to make sure that he wouldn't die until the medics got there to suture his neck. Pizzutelli pinching his neck is what kept Malarchuk alive.

Seven fans fainted from the sight of the blood, two fans had heartattacks, and two players vomited on the ice. Which is awesome.

Malarchuck was playing again about a week and a half after the injury.

Billy Donovan is a woman

2007-06-04T00:51:00.000-06:00

Billy Donovan is a chicken. He was making a smart move by moving up to the NBA with a team that has a pretty decent chance of turning it around and being a viable threat in the East but he chickened out and went back to where he was comfortable.

I can't blame the guy for wanting to be comfortable, I mean, he earned the right to have that choice. However, he won his two championships with his players and he deserves the money he can earn in the NBA. It's probably a smart move to stick with the players that you worked hard to recruit, but he's getting out of the pros before he gets a chance to prove. From now on he'll always be known as just a pretty good college coach. I mean, he could have pulled a Patino and done absolutely nothing in the league, but he could have broken the mold and actually had a successful NBA career. Who wants to have their career surrounded by a bunch of "what ifs?" The way it's looking, he might have actually done pretty well with a pretty talented Magic team.

Oh well, I guess he's just gonna be a baby about it and run back to Gainsville where there's no real basketball community. They are a football school. It's not like when Coach K decided to stay with Duke... that's the only thing they have aside from Lacrosse... hahaha... Duke Lacrosse...

So yeah, I got nothing.

Hahaha... oh wow

2007-06-02T18:26:00.000-06:00

Now that, my friends, is how you get ejected from a baseball game.

I just love how nobody on the field seems to make a big deal out of it. This is part of why minor league baseball even exists.

God Bless The Internets!!!

2007-06-02T01:01:00.001-06:00

The glory of youtube and Al Gore's "Internets" bring us footage of Zambrano/Barrett Round 1.

I still say Soccer is dumb

2007-06-02T00:43:00.000-06:00

Alright, the continuation of my little injury series takes us overseas.

Apparently this guy's name is Henrik Larsson, a now retired professional soccer (fuck you rest of the world, it's soccer) player. The injury occured during a 2-0 against Lyon when Larsson was playing for Celtic.

Up to the injury, Larsson was well known for his long blond dredlocks, but after he returned from his year long recovery peroid (A full year? What a pussy. Painkillers exist for a reason, poofter) he shaved his head and never grew out his dreds again.

The injury broke his leg in two places, but when he came back he was (apparently) better than before.

Soccer is still a pussy's sport.

umm

2007-06-01T13:52:00.000-06:00

Zambrano sucks...really bad. I've been watching the Cubs game as I often do, to get a sick pleasure out of their suffering. Today's game has really filled my appetite. The once dominating Zambrano has been absolutely lit up through 5 innings, giving up 13 hits and 7 runs, while striking out 0 and walking 2. But the real fireworks happened in the Mid 5th inning when Z and Michael Barrett got into a heated shoving/shouting match in the dugout. In the top of the 5th, a frustrated Zambrano gave up 5 hits and 2 walks in a 5 run inning. With 1 out and men on 1st and 2nd, Z and Barrett got crossed up on a curveball allowing both runners to advance, Barrett attempted to get the lead runner at third and promptly threw the ball to Soriano in left. Apparently Big Z didn't take too kindly to Barrett's sudden Knoblauchitis and tried landing a few on Barrett's kisser between innings. I loved Barrett's smartass reaction when Z approached him before the melee though. I can't read Zambrano's lips, well hell I probably couldn't understand him talking anyway, but Z probably just blamed Barrett for the crossup and said something smartass about his throw. But I could definitely read Barrett's lips: "Look at the fucking scoreboard, you gave up 13 hits!" Both players were pulled by Piniella the next inning and weren't seen on the bench after. I'm guessing Zambrano had a shit parade in the locker room, abusing any towel boy with the nearest Louisville Slugger in sight. His troubles are becoming a major issue for a team that has had a rough start despite outscoring their opponents 231-220. It would not be surprising to me at all if Z is traded before the deadline this year. He is in his last years of arbitration and it will take a huge contract to keep him in Chicago, and the Cubs desperately need some bullpen help. But what went wrong with Zambrano? How has he gone from a bright young star into Batting Practice for NL teams? The Hardball Times' Carlos Gomez wrote a short article on Zambrano, and it shows a definite drop in his arm slot from '05, his best year, and now. A drop in the arm slot has huge implications for a sinkerball pitcher like Big Z. A sinkerball pitcher has to stay on top of the ball in order to get the downward rotation for a "heavy" sinker. Gomez theorizes that it could be due to him hiding a sore shoulder or even worse, a shoulder injury. This all makes great sense considering that Zambrano has been at top of the Majors in PAP (Pitcher Abuse Points) the last 4 years. Maybe like another Rothschild gem, Kerry Wood, the years of abuse have simply taken its toll on Zambrano. His pitching lines are way off his nearly dominating career averages, He is giving up homeruns at twice his average, walking nearly a batter more per game, striking out 3 less men per game, and his superb Groundball rate has fallen below his average. This of course couldn't come at a worse time for Z, as he's playing for one of those obnoxiously large contracts that teams have been handing out lately. (Yes, Juan Pierre is really making 44 million over 5 years...Juan Pierre!!!) I think the best thing the Cubs can do in this situation is to trade Zambrano while he still has some value. The demand for pitchers like Zambrano at his age is tremendous. If they can pull off a Josh Beckett type deal (Anibal Sanchez and Hanley Ramirez) they could be sitting pretty for a few years to come. But this being the Cubs and GM Jim Hendry, they more than likely will hang on to a pitcher that is unsignable and he will continue to suffer under a pitching coach who managed to help destroy 2 of the brightest arms of this early century. A third could be in the works.

That is a Serious Leg Injury for Willis McGahee

2007-05-31T22:57:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite things to do online is show people horrific sports injuries just to see their reaction. The glory that is YouTube makes all of this possible, so I thought I'd share a few of my favorites,i.e. most gruesome, with you. Enjoy!

Willis McGahee's gloriously disgusting knee injury occurred during the 2002-03 Fiesta Bowl for the BCS National Championship as McGahee's Miami Hurricanes looked to repeat by defeating the Ohio State Buckeyes. They just might have done it, too, had it not been for this horrific injury to McGahee during the fourth quarter.

Yep

The Hurricanes ended up losing to the Buckeyes in double overtime, but one must wonder if fortune would have smiled Miami's way had Will Allen gone a little lower or a little higher on that hit.

Regardless of the outcome of the game, McGahee was incredibly lucky and only suffered an ACL tear. He was drafted by the Buffalo Bills in the first round of the 2003 draft and has the potential to be one of the premier running backs in the league.

...

That is, of course, if he didn't play for Buffalo. He was traded to the Ravens this offseason.

The "yep" at the end of the video always cracks me up something fierce.

Yum...

2007-05-31T22:45:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite things to do online is show people horrific sports injuries just to see their reaction. The glory that is YouTube makes all of this possible, so I thought I'd share a few of my favorites,i.e. most gruesome, with you. Enjoy!

This is it my friends, this is the injury that the majority of football pundits believe is the most disturbing hit in the all of football. This is Lawrence Taylor snapping the tibia and fibula of Joe Theismann's right leg.

I believe this goes without saying, but for those who have weak stomachs better not fucking watch this. I will not be held responsible for you vomiting. That's just mean.

snap

Thank God that you can't hear Theismann's bones snap... that would have been even more gruesome.

This all took place in 1985 during a Monday Night Football game between the New York Giants and the Washington Redskins. In a called flea-flicker that did not fool the Giants' defense whatsoever, NFL Hall of Famer Lawrence Taylor lunged at Theismann, grabbed him by the shoulder pads, pulled him down, and landed with all of his body weight on Theismann's right leg. Snap, snap. There goes a career.

Although he looks to be writing about in pain, he apparently felt none of it.

"It was at that point, I also found out what a magnificent machine the human body is," Theismann said. "Almost immediately, from the knee down, all the feeling was gone in my right leg. The endorphins had kicked in, and I was not in pain."*

Both Theismann and Taylor have refused to view the footage of the hit, although word is that after it occured, Taylor told Theismann that he was lucky that he hadn't broken both of his legs.

But of course, that's just the type of guy Taylor was/is/always will be. I mean, come on, he's a well known coke-head who's in the Hall of Fame. Take that Michael Irvin.

One must wonder, though... if Theismann had played a few more years maybe he would be considered a legandary quarterback for more than just getting his lag snapped in half and winning one Super Bowl. Maybe he would be in the NFL Hall of Fame and wouldn't be working for ESPN where we have to suffer through his really really dumb comments on a regular basis.

Nothing is really different for Lawerence Taylor. He finished that day just like he finished any other day... coked out while banging a prostitute.

Lawerence Taylor, member of the NFL Hall of Fame.

*Shapiro, Leonard (Nov. 18, 2005). "The Hit That Changed a Career". , p. E01.

2007-05-30T19:46:00.000-06:00

OK...so last night's Ollie and Lincecum matchup wasn't the 1-0, dual no-hitters/unearned Run game. But it was damned good baseball. The issue of maturity comes up again, they both showed great strides and held their mistakes to a minimum. For Ollie, he pitched really well over 7 innings, limiting his mistakes to three solo home runs, and only 2 singles. If Ollie can hit his spot a little better on even 1 or 2 of those solo shots and make those a flyout, we're looking at a gem. The key was Oliver kept the baserunners at a minimum, walking 0, which is huge for Ollie as he has struggled with control over the last 2 years. He struck out 8, his slider was sharp once again and he had good velocity on his fastball getting a lot of swinging strikes. Once again, for Ollie to be successful, he has to get a lot of swinging strikes, strikeouts and infield flies to compensate for being a heavily flyball pitcher. He did that well on Tuesday and looks to have an impressive year for what's shaping as a juggernaut Mets team. If I was a gambling man (which I definitely consider myself) I would put money on the Mets to be the NL champion...As long as Jorge Sosa isn't needed for a playoff start, which means they need a healthy Pedro Martinez to round out. A rotation of Glavine, Perez, Maine, and Pedro could be really dominating come October. The outlook is not as good for the Giants. Although they own arguably the best rotation in the NL with Zito, Morris, Lincecum, Cain, and Lowry, they have struggled to score runs so far and will have trouble beating the pitching rich NL West if something doesn't change. They are in desperate need of another power bat to protect Barry (Ray Durham should be nobody's answer as a cleanup hitter, not even the Nationals). TLinc also pitched well with minimal mistakes. Lincecum spread 3 hits over 7 innings against a stout Mets lineup, hardly an easy task. He struck out 8 as well but walked 3. The major damage was in the 4th inning, when he walked Reyes to start the inning and then gave up a 2 run shot to Delgado. But other than that, he was unhittable save for a 1 run double in the 6th. Both pitchers combined for a lot of swinging strikes, looked dominant and limited their mistakes as flyball pitchers. I'm excited to see what these guys can do the rest of the year.

ESPN is gayer than John Amaechi taking it to the hole

2007-05-29T23:47:00.000-06:00

Is there really anything worse for sports than ESPN right now?

I pose that question knowing full well that ESPN is an infotainment kind of thing with the goal to inform viewers of the goings on in sports while attempting to entertain them at the same time. The entertainment is obvious in the form of the many live sporting events that are shown daily. Along with those are sports discussion shows that are intended to entertain and inform with witty banter and opinions from experts.

The information is omnipresent in the form of a news ticker and it's own network simply to relay the sporting news of the day, all day. With the way everything is set up, you can learn of the entire day's news and events from the sports world by just an hour and a half to an hour of Sportscenter.

------

Well... all of that is what ESPN would like you to believe. In reality, most of things are true, but in ESPN's effort to inform, they forgot one of the main rules about talking heads, they're normally biased and wrong. With the popularity of ESPN this has become devastating to the sports viewing world. Those with very little understanding on how the sports world runs will tune in to ESPN nightly and have their opinions morphed and developed into exactly what ESPN wants you to believe. ESPN wants you to believe Barry Bonds is really important enough to warrant a mention when he goes 0 for 4 with two strikeouts in a game that the Giants lose, they feel it necessary for you to know that T.O. sneezed at training camp.

They give you far too much information about stuff you really don't care about but give you said information so much that it gets lodged in your mind and you start to actually give a damn... or you just yell at the TV like I do.

I am a sports fan, I enjoy watching sports and trying to understand and enjoy the many intricacies of any game in which I am viewing. ESPN is a network intended for those who do not enjoy watching the game like I do, it's for those who like watching the game and being told what's going on. It's like going through life holding your father's hand the entire way through as he leads you from one place to another, one experience to another. At first it's great to have everything in the world explained to you, but after awhile you want to experience things for yourself. To view the world the way it is without having someone point out everything.

Hold, that's a horrible analogy. In life, you outgrow the father's explanations because you believe him to be incorrect but later on through live you realize that your old man was right all along. No, that is in absolutely no way like ESPN. ESPN is more like your mom teaching you how to drive but she remains in the car with you even after you've mastered the skill but she still insists on telling you what to do every time. You grow out of the phase of needing your mother to drive, but you still do it incorrectly and your mother was wrong because she is a woman, and women can't drive.

ESPN is like your mother teaching you how to drive. Now that's an insult.

Now I know what you're thinking... you're thinking "What the hell difference does it make? I am a well-informed, knowledgeable fan and I don't use ESPN as a means to learn, I simply get scores and whatever else I feel like watching for. It affects me in no way."

Well, that might be true person who doesn't exist, but the vast majority of people who do watch ESPN are heavily influenced by it without even realizing it in the worst possible way.

The main problem with ESPN's lock on the sports viewing world is the "experts" in their employ. Almost all of them are idiots.

Skip Bayless, Jim Rome, Jay Marriotti, Woody Page, Bob Ryan, Tony Reali, Joe Morgan, Chris Berman, John Kruk, Steven A. Smith... must I continue? These are a whole lot of people, for one reason or another, who have risen up to the ranks in ESPN and are regulars on numerous shows throughout the day where they do nothing but spew idiocy and declare their ideas as the truth. Mind you, this is an abridged list, there are many more idiots at ESPN. What makes it worse is that this style of analyst has become the staple, calling play-by-play or what have you in sporting events is no longer art that it once was, and with every year that passes, more and more of the wordsmiths of yesteryear die off leaving an ESPN influenced idiot in their wake.

So now ESPN's brand of misinformation has spread to practically all other stations in an attempt to better connect and get better ratings from the ESPN audiences. Leading to, of course, dumber fans.

Dumb fans lead to dumb fan bases, which leads to fans becoming enraged by a smart move made by their favorite sports team because ESPN's talking heads disagree with the move which leads to decreased revenue for the team which leads to organizations watching ESPN to base their own moves on.

This is, of course, speculation, but I can't help but feel that it's accurate.

ESPN fans are fans that will jump on the bandwagon of any player or team that ESPN has deemed good or exciting. To (finally) put it bluntly, ESPN is filled with idiots, and ESPN fans are idiots.

So basically, ESPN is gay like Brady Quinn. They'll never admit to it, but it's obvious to anyone who is paying attention that it's true.

Steroids II

2007-05-29T16:59:00.000-06:00

I thought I might chime in on the subject as well as it got my little Vince Young-sized brain churning with excitement. Are steroids cheating? Yes. Do I care? NO. What makes popping a needle in your ass any more morally wrong than say, stealing a team's signs from second base or taking a little K-Y "Intimate Sensations" jelly and making a spot on your glove so you can throw a shineball? It's because, at least in my mind, no difference exists. Cheating is cheating is cheating. And baseball is, and always has been a game of prevalent cheating. We laud some players even though they are possibly the greatest cheaters ever. 100% of Major League Baseball players have cheated, and that's not some typo. One of the special things about baseball, is that the rulebook is left with a lot of interpretation, and therefore a lot of leeway when it comes to people who like to cheat. For example, the takeout slide we so often see into the second baseman or shortstop, VERY illegal, but the umpires never call it. Also illegal is the phantom tag that second baseman pull all the time. Often on double play balls, the second baseman only sometimes will touch the bag. In some cases he's a solid a foot or more away from the bag and gets the out from the field umpire. I just finished reading Derek Zumsteg's book: The Cheater's Guide to Baseball. He also has a fine blog that updates recent cheaters like Frankie Rodriguez this year when he had a "mysterious" substance on his hat. In his book Zumsteg argues that cheating and baseball are two things that are inseperable, and also a somewhat healthy thing. Cheating adds to the competitive spirit. Now I'm not gonna sit here and argue that steroids are a good thing for baseball, they were about as good for baseball as Pete Rose betting on games. Steroid abuse is a serious issue for obvious reasons, if it becomes an acceptable practice, than the average lifespan of the major leaguer will start to rival NFL players, and a generation of children will think that nothing is wrong with sticking a needle up your ass to get stronger. Ken Caminiti only saw age 41, and I will place bets that Canseco doesn't make 50. Using steroids has serious consequences on the abuser. And as biochemicals advance with time, the results could become more disastrous. The whole shitty thing about 'roids, is that it came in a time with a worthless MLB front office. I guarantee you if Kenesaw Mountain Landis was commissioner now, steroids wouldn't have ever become an issue. But because Bud Selig and the higher ups sat and watched the players get bigger while the money poured in following the '94 strike, steroids became an issue. How big of an issue? We'll probably never know. We could go by the hilarious and unrealistic statement of Canseco and 85% of MLB players using, or the slightly less ridiculous Caminiti's 40% (still unrealistic). What is realistic is probably between 5%-10% (10% being worst possible scenario). Now 40-70 out of the 800 MLB players is hardly epidemic rate, which means that...the steroid scandal is blown entirely out of proportion. The game was never filled with roided up monsters. Furthermore like S Dub pointed out, steroids don't make you hit a ball 550 feet. But I do think they can help a little, maybe a 320 ft flyball on the track into a 330 ft flyball over the wall. Bat speed is not something that can be exponentially changed. David Eckstein, as terrible hitter as he is, has incredible bat speed. Major League Hitters have incredible reflexes and hand eye coordination that they need in order to hit a 98MPH fastball or a diving splitter. Theres more to the story than just brute strength. Barry Bonds should be lauded as one of the top hitters in history, because if you argue otherwise you are an absolute idiot. His 2001-2004 seasons are the greatest offensive years EVER by any player that has ever roamed Darren Daulton's world (it is indeed his world, we are just lucky to live in it). However, when looking at Bonds, as you should with players of all eras, you should look at him with context. Bonds undoubtedly has taken the Cream and the Clear and more than likely some other PED's like HGH and testosterone. So take that into account, but also take into account he is/was an unbelievable hitter regardless if he took rhinocerous tranquilizers, popeye's spinach, or Towelie's weed (wanna get high?) So if there's a lesson to be learned, it's that each era, especially ours, has its own context that you have to look at. For example Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and Rogers Hornsby never faced a pitcher who wasn't white, A foul ball wasn't a strike until the AL adopted it in 1903, hitters after 1968 gained by the mound lowering 5 inches and a smaller strike zone. So when we look at Barry today, we should take into account that it was a remarkable hitters era, and that Babe Ruth's 60 HR and 714 career is dramatically more impressive considering the home run record that Ruth broke...the single season was 25 and he smashed it with 29 in 1919 and nearly doubled that with 54 the next year, his first in New York. Babe broke Roger Connor's career Homerun record with his 139th HR in 1921. Let's talk about context there, he smashed the career record by almost 600 Home Runs!!! So baseball fans should not bash Barry when he passes the record in the next month or two, just recognize the accomplishment with a grain of salt.

Steroids

2007-05-29T12:59:00.000-06:00

Yes, fucking steroids.

In today's sports world, no form of cheating is exposed in the media more than steroids, but are people getting upset over it for all the wrong reasons?

Steroids seem to be scrutinized the most in Major League Baseball where you'll hear the higher ups talking about how it makes for an un-level playing field, but everyone knows that that's not the main concern. Baseball is such a stat fueled sport that what most people care about are the records and the affect steroids have on them; namely the career home run record that Barry Bonds is currently chasing.

I believe that most baseball fans will not respect his record when he breaks it and it will be the subject for mainly retarded debates. Okay, let's just get a few things out of the way. Barry Bonds has and does take steroids, we all know this, he will break the home run record, he is only still in the league because of steroids, and he does absolutely NOTHING for his team.

Barry Bonds is an excellent hitter, there is no doubt in my mind about that at all, hell, he might even be one of the greatest hitters of all time. Steroids do not help you hit, all they've done is kept him hitting well into his forties. Honestly, that's my biggest problem with steroid usage. It keeps players in the game that have no business being there. Barry Bonds should be retired, writing his blog for a living.

Somebody like Bonds does nothing but take up a roster spot and a shitload of the team's money. Which is something about steroids that also pisses me off. With the older stars being able to stay around for so long because of their steroid usage, it's potentially keeping youth out of the league. What's more exciting? A steroid filled aging giant, are a rising stud? Just look at the Giants as a good example of this for their average age of 35.6 years old could very well end up being the oldest professional baseball team ever.

Steroids hurt baseball in ways that people don't even realize.

What about other sports? Well... it seems like nobody really gives a fuck about steroids.

Well... except for maybe this guy:

...ew

Yay, I'm gonna cream my pants!!

2007-05-29T05:30:00.000-06:00

Tonight ladies and gentlemen could be one of the best pitching matchups of the season. And it's not the highly anticipated matchup of Rodrigo Lopez v. Braden Looper or the thriller John Danks v. Boof Bonser. This matchup will be none other than Oliver Perez for the PondScum Mets and Tim Lincecum for the Blimphead Giants. On the same night that John Smoltz and Ben Sheets will duel each other (pending Ben Sheets inevitable season ending injury), if you're a baseball fan, you should turn your attention to these two young bright stars of pitching:

OLIVER PEREZ:
6-3
2.54 ERA
56.2 IP
53K
"Ollie" has been a mancrush (nongay) of mine since he burst into the league in 2002 with the Padres at age 20. He's a posterchild for "Million Dollar Arm" and "10 cent head." He has 2 ++ pitches, a 4 seam fastball that tops out at 97, and a Christina Aguilera vagina slider (yes, it's that filthy). He's also been developing a change-up of late, but that's still in the works. Ollie has had as much an up and down career as any 25 year old in the majors has. He has already undergone 2 "resurrections" in pitching, in 2004 and in 2007, and some changes mechanically. There's a wonderful article at BaseballThinkFactory about some of the changes that Ollie has undergone mechanically from 2004-2007. He is a head case, so he needs a good pitching coach to keep him straight, and I think he has found that with Rick Peterson and the Mets. Peterson can probably best be remembered for helping produce the A's trio of Hudson, Mulder, and Zito. He is one of the top pitching coaches in the game and relies on video analysis and his degree in psychology. Let me tell you, that degree has probably been put to good use on Perez, who after a loss to the Cardinals in 2005, attempted to kick a laundry cart's ass, but failed miserably, resulting in Perez suffering a broken toe and missing 2 months. Perez needs to learn to vent his anger into things that have "give" to them, like a Yorkshire Terrier or a small child. When Perez has it together, it is impressive to watch, so far this season, he has regained his surprising 2004 form where he struck out 239 in 196 innings, and held a 2.98 ERA. The key to his resurgence, can be seen in a rise (although not '04 level) in his K/G (8.9), and an all-time low for BB/G (3.0) and HR/F (Homeruns per flyball) at 10.2%. The last stat has been crucial to Perez as he is almost strictly a Flyball or Strikeout pitcher. He had a disturbingly high HR/F in 05 of 20%!!. What we saw with Ollie during his bad stretch: 05-06, was a significant drop in K/G, (from 11.9 to 7.9 and 6.5) a rise in BB/G (almost 2 full walks). For a flyball pitcher that is a terrible mixture, and it showed in 05 and 06 when he posted ERA's of high 5's and even mid 6's in 06. Whatever it was that Peterson told Ollie when he came to New York, we saw the Jekyll/Hyde transformation come almost immediately. Which tells us this: The Pittsburgh Pirates are a completely inept organization in that they held a prize arm in Perez for three years and could only ruin it, now this could be blamed on several people, I choose to blame Spin Williams, pitching coach on McClendon's staff who apparently did NOTHING as the next sure thing drifted into mediocrity. Also Jim Colborn obviously couldn't cure Perez's ills either when he was brought in with Tracy in 06. Furthermore Dave Littlefield wins an award for idiocy in giving up on Perez so early in his career when the Pirates obviously aren't dedicated to winning. But that's neither here or there as Ollie has turned it around drastically and is once again an elite pitcher. At 25, I expect him to mature greatly under Peterson and the great run support that the Mets will give, he's a prime candidate for 20 wins this year. I firmly believe with Peterson's tutelage, Ollie can become the NL version of Johan Santana.

TIM LINCECUM
The pride of the University of Washington has been my other (nongay) mancrush since he was drafted by the Giants last year. I still can't get over how much the damn kid looks like Cameron from Ferris Bueller. Lincecum is pitching efficiency at its finest. He gets incredible power out of his 5'11 160lb. frame. He often grazes the high 90's with his fastball, he throws a nasty changeup that tails down and away to a lefty, and an even nastier power curve that has wicked late action. BaseballThinkFactory also wrote another excellent article about Lincecum and his odd pitching motion that results in a LOT of arm speed from such a small body. His efficient motion is what I believe is the start of a new trend in pitching that we are seeing with pitchers like Roy Oswalt, where arm speed and eliminating wasted motion are stressed, as opposed to the traditional "Tall and Fall" that has been so prevalent(see Jason Isringhausen). This is also what you see in Oliver Perez, Peterson removed a lot of wasted motion from his delivery and by that, made his delivery much faster to the plate. The longer your delivery time, the more room for error that exists. TLinc is just about the polar opposite from a Mark Redman or Mark Mulder, he gets to the plate very fast and there is little chance for extra mechanical flaws to appear. That's why I think he is going to stay consistent at the impressive level he's been at:
over 4 starts:
2-0
3.08 ERA
26.3 IP
25K

It's a very small sample size, I know, but the numbers he put up in 5 starts at AAA Fresno are just plain gawdy:
4-0
0.29 ERA
31 IP
46K
He had a rough debut against the Phillies, but pitched well against a good hitting Rockies team at Coors (7 IP 2ER 6K) and really hit his stride in his last 2 starts against the Astros. Dueling Roy Oswalt over both starts, he turned in 15 Innings 2 ER 14K 7H and 2BB. When I watch Timmy, like Ollie, there's just something special about him, he just feels like the next big one. He feels similar to Pedro Martinez, not only in size but in pure stuff. When I watch these two tonight, I won't help but think that I could be looking back at this meeting as the start of another Gibson/Koufax-type duel. These two definitely have the material to become that, it's only a matter of maturing as pitchers, which they could be close. Gametime: 7:10 ET, don't miss it.

2007-05-29T00:44:00.000-06:00

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