Fuck The Heck?

FireJoeMorgan has pointed me in the direction of this ...So apparently Mike Pagliarulo feels that he has some ability to analyze baseball, which he is hilariously incorrect about. This is only a small example of the treasure chest that is BaseLinereport.com ...Unexplained charts and prospect value analyses, unbridled hatred towards Billy Beane and his love of selfish walks and homeruns (For the love of god, please check out the "Money Haul" post Pags has blessed us with.) When I checked back tonight, apparently Pags has created some kind of "fundamental pitch count" that he charted for last night's pitching matchup of Chien Ming Wang and Josh Beckett. I've spent a good part of the night thinking "fuck the heck?" I don't know anything about Pagliarulo's "scouting" background or anything, but I'm a bit skeptical to call him a professional in terms of evaluating pitching. This scares me:

In an attept to scout a major league player (NY Yankees rhp/Philip Hughes), submitted 9/6/07 by Keith Law:

Why is Hughes’ stuff down? One possibility is that his left leg is still causing him trouble, since both the hamstring injury that landed him on the DL and the ankle injury that kept him there were to his left leg. His landing is now very soft, and it looked like he was babying that leg rather than landing firmly and pushing off that leg as he drives through his delivery. If the leg is indeed still bothering him, it would explain both the loss of velocity and the lack of sharpness on his curveball.

Baseline Correction- Hughes’s leg if fine just ask the trainers, the problem with his mechanics is the fact that he is young and undeveloped, Keith. He is a tremendous talent and has a bright future, but his problem is simply rushing off of his back side. In terms of understanding from a fans perspective; the big right-hander is anxious and a bit jumpy during this crucial part of the season.

He is being forced to learn at a very young age prior to the time of his complete development. During the game and his time on the mound, he tends to over-throw rushing his head forward, the correct mechanics would allow him to keep his head back, letting his arm work out in front. This action of rushing forward produces an inconsistent arm slot, as a result, he leaves his breaking ball up in the zone. His fastball is capable of getting hitters out up in the strike zone and at this time he is pitching in that area but not by design. Capiche Keith?

I'm not even sure I could call this analysis in any form. What the hell point does he make? The "Baseline Correction" just had me laughing.

"Just ask the trainers"

Riveting, I'm convinced, thank you Pags.

" the problem with his mechanics is the fact that he is young and undeveloped, Keith. He is a tremendous talent and has a bright future,.

Yup, he nailed it. "Young and undeveloped" gotcha. So Hughes has been pitching...5 months 6 months tops??? T-Ball in April and just called up from Coach-pitch this June. The next part just shows me how undeniably assholish Pags is...are you ready?

but his problem is simply rushing off of his back side. In terms of understanding from a fans perspective; the big right-hander is anxious and a bit jumpy during this crucial part of the season.

Pags doesn't wanna get technical with his "Rushing off his back side" talk, so "from a fan's perspective," because we all know the IQ of a baseball fan is at the very least 60 points lower than Pag. They won't understand something so technical as "rushing" because Hughes (in idiot terms because I belittle my audience too) has a boner over Derek Jeter and Yankee Stadium. Pags doesn't even bother to follow Hughes rushing with video evidence or anything, just he's rushing because he's "anxious" and "jumpy." Analysis from somebody who is actually intelligent would show that Hughes' problem is something that has been developing for awhile, he has become less compact with his lower body and is opening up his shoulder in terms of following to the plate. Not sure where this "rushing" idea comes from. But I didn't watch Hughes' last start so maybe Pags saw something...who the hell am I kidding?

P.S. Posts have been far and between lately, not sure what's gonna happen. I'm kicking around the idea of starting a fantasy baseball blog, moreso for my own entertainment and way to gather ideas for myself, but if anyone wants to read, then what the hell. There are a ton of resources out there that I could get it done with, especialy with HitTracker and the first full year of Enhanced Gameday results. Which is the beautiful thing about baseball, It's such a linear game that it it translates levels and has many predictable outcomes. In my opinion it is infinitely easier to dominate fantasy baseball with the right information, and I think I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg. Updates to follow.

Simply...Dumb

Kevin Wheeler has blessed us all with his genius idea! Now I must say that I have never heard of Kevin Wheeler. Apparently he has a show on St. Louis radio station KMOX that I'm sure has a commanding audience. Let us use our monkey-phonics reading skills to peruse this piece in Sports Review Magazine.

Cardinals can and should go after A-Rod this offseason

Rodriguez could become the best baseball player ever to hit the free agent market... and TWICE. Its insane that the Yankees could even contemplate losing a generational player. Nevermind the Yankees, its insane that the Mariners or Rangers let him go...well I could excuse the Mariners because only a crazy hick asshole like Tom Hicks pays 252 million for a player that the next best offer was 180 million (Red Sox) for the same length!! Every time I think of that deal and Tom Hicks I immediately see the Rich Texan from the Simpsons with the bolo tie and twin revolvers shooting off in the air and Tom Hicks jumping up and doing a heel click when A-Rod agrees to the contract. YEE HAWW!!!

Yeah, I said it.

It's really not that shocking that you think a baseball team should go after the BEST player in the major leagues, but continue.

I meant it too.

Good for you

Whether they will admit to it or not, the Cardinals have the means to sign the best all-around player in the game and make him their starting shortstop for the next 5-7 seasons. Not only can they do it, they should.

Why?

Because Mr. Rodriguez is the best baseball player on Darren Daulton's Rotating Spherical Dimension?

Two reasons: winning and money.
This team lacks production in the middle of the order and having someone like A-Rod hitting 4th would erase that gaping hole in the middle and put everyone else in a better place.

Oh, I guess I only thought of one reason... And yes, Abert and Alex hitting 3-4 would just be disgusting. Mass migration of pitchers to the Japanese league or something. But the duo would probably still come second chair to Ruth/Gehrig.
OPS+ EqA SLG RC/27
Ruth: 207 .368 .690 12.93
Gehrig: 179 .346 .632 11.14

Pujols: 169 .342 .622 9.71
Rodriguez: 146 .323 .575 8.05

(Interesting note: just for my sick pleasure I looked up David Eckstein and Juan Pierre's RC/27)
Pierre: 4.53 (THIS MAN IS MAKING 44 MILLION OVER 5 YEARS!!! RC/27 this year: 3.62, nice work Colletti)
Hustlehoff: 4.19

Who could better protect Albert Pujols than the youngest player to ever reach 500 home runs?

In a word, nobody

Regardless of what they would have to pay him - let's just say $30 million a year for the sake of argument even though I doubt that's going to happen - he would make the team money rather than drain them of it. This is a guy who is going to be chasing down 800 home runs 5-6 years from now and there hasn't been a hint of steroid abuse with A-Rod.

This is where Kevin starts getting stupid. Is it really regardless of what we have to pay him? Really? 30 Million dollars a year. That is 1/3 of the Cardinals current payroll. And you can bet your ass he gets paid 30 million, Boras is the most shrewd negotiator in all of sports, he will get what he wants whether its 30 million or the enslavement of all people from Azerbaijan. And Rodriguez is GUARANTEED to drain the Cardinals franchise money. Why? Because of this that you didn't account for: The Cardinals currently have sold out EVERY GAME this year and will continue to sell out at least in the short term, for 3 or 4 years. So there is literally no financial reason to invest 30 million/year because there simply will be no return, you cannot possibly put more fans in the seats than there already are. And merchandising will not see an improvement either. The little idiots who think they're cute that buy the David Hustlehoff, Juan EnKarnacion, and So Taguchi jerseys will simply switch to A-Rod jerseys the same as if the Cardinals brought in some C or B class player.

Coming off a tumultuous stint in New York, A-Rod would likely welcome the calm and friendly atmosphere of a great baseball town like St. Louis. He would love it here. People would love and cheer for him without feeling the need to peck at his every move in search of some flaw they could exploit.

I love this argument, because its Saint Louis, you should play for only 75% of what you would get on the market...because we're nice people. That's a great negotiating tool...idiot. Cardinals fans are idiots, I'm a huge Cardinals fan, and let me tell you, I see firsthand...and A LOT. But I have a theory I may go in more depth to later, that we also have the best fans, but most A) do not live in St. Louis, and B) aren't 1/395th as obnoxious. If you find a Cardinal fan who really knows the game, its quite an enjoyable conversation, they really are everywhere. Do you know what Alex Rodriguez would not welcome? Any guesses? Probably that Busch III has held a Park Factor Rating of 98 for both of its years of existence. This place quells homeruns, not a place Alex Rodriguez wants to play baseball 81 times a year...He would be best served by going somewhere that is homer happy, like the southside of Chicago. The Cell has posted Park Factors of 103 the past three years, and 107 in its first year.

Don't let Cards' ownership fool you. They have the money to make this happen if they want to. As I pointed out in this space two months ago (http://www.kmox.com/pages/552947.php?contentType=4&contentId=585129) , the money is there. It should also be pointed out that having someone of A-Rod stature chasing big time home run records will GUARANTEE strong attendance in the future regardless of whether or not the team is winning. Look at the Giants - everyone HATES Bonds but they sellout every home game and are the 4th highest drawing road team in baseball this season despite being a last place team. Imagine what that could be with A-Rod chasing 800 homers...

Ok, fair enough. The chasing history or whatever would put fans in the seats...but like I already covered, no more seats to fill, at least in the immediate future (which occur during his few prime years left) And the money is there... right. I get it, they are rich and have made a lot of money by owning the team. But that doesn't mean they are going to go buy platinum urinals. No businessman in his right mind is going to burden his costs that much when he gets the same return. The truth is that the Cardinals hold a slightly above average payroll compared to the rest of the league, and winning is not exactly the highest priority as it is in markets like New York and Boston. Its still important, but I'm sure being in the black comes first.

While A-Rod may or may not want to come to St. Louis, the Cards owe it to themselves and to their fans to make an honest effort to land this megastar. Here's how they can make it happen....

No, the owners don't owe anything to the fans, they put up a winning product for the better part of 12 years and let me tell you, winning last year definitely was an accident. I think the most surprised people out of everybody was the coalition of Cardinal owners. Them holding the trophy last year, they had this look like, "are you fucking kidding me?" I've had this feeling for awhile now that the Cardinals owners are set on selling this team relatively soon. Probably in the next 2-4 years. They made an investment in the 90's when they bought the team from Anheuser-Busch. And now that investment has matured as seen here. Seriously, only Utopian cardinal fans believe that this ownership has a winning first attitude. According to Forbes in April 2007, the Cardinals are now valued at 460 million. The trio of Fred Hanser, Drew Baur, and Bill DeWitt bought the club for 150 million in 1995. What the owners did in '95 and into '96 was bring in solid management with Jocketty in '95, and later the entire LaDuncan regime. These owners are VERY GOOD at what they do. The winning was a side effect of a well oiled business machine. They made the right moves by having Jocketty come in, LaRussa...arguable. Moneyball has changed the scope of everything and they need to turn some pages to catch up. I think moving Luhnow to GM would be a fine start. Back to the owners. Don't think for a second these owners are hobbyists that had a true love of Cardinal baseball and just want to see the team win. They are very good businessmen who made an investment, and saw it triple. Bravo. They are not stupid enough to do this. This team is prepping to be sold.

1) Allow David Eckstein, Kip Wells, Preston Wilson, So Taguchi, Russ Springer and Mike Maroth to walk at the end of this season. That will save them $13.75 million heading into 2008. These are all replaceable parts. Some have had solid tenures in St. Louis, some have not, but none of them are essential to the future of this franchise.

This is the obvious of obvious. I will be sincerely pissed if any of these players are on our roster come spring 08. Wilson is basically retired already, Eckstein will hopefully find someone dumb enough to sign him so we can pick up a draft pick (not sure if he would be a type B or C though). The rest of the scrubs, meh, Springer's been playing over his head, not worth it to have him post a four and a half ERA next year for 2mil.

2) Find a way to deal RF Juan Encarnacion and free up at least a portion of the $6.5 million he is owed for next season. If they simply dump the salary without asking for anything significant in return they might find someone to take all of that contract. Heck, the Pirates took on nearly $14 million for Matt Morris so there has to be someone willing to take $6.5 million for a solid corner outfielder with playoff experience. Combine that with the above savings and you have $20.25 million to play with. If they can find anyone to take Adam Kennedy, even if the Cards have to eat half of his remaining salary (he is owed a little more than $6 million for the next two years) they can save $3 million. $1.5 million a year would not be too much for another team to add Kennedy as a reserve infielder, that's about what reserve infielders make anyway, and the Cards have Aaron Miles, Brendan Ryan and Jarrett Hoffpauir to play second base.

Finding a way to deal Encarnacion is not simple in the least. Encarnacion is just an odd baseball player. It's been said before that Mark Kotsay was the perfect League Average baseball player. I think it's also true of Juan. He puts up the SAME numbers every year, and stays relatively healthy, this being the first year he has missed significant time. That said, he wouldn't be easy to replace. There's no real MLB ready replacement in the Cardinals system, and the Free Agent market looks pretty grim, especially if you were to make a serious run at Rodriguez. The trade market has never really been strong for Juan types. Maybe a couple of C prospects. I'd just assume keep him, 6.5 mil is becoming coffee beans for starting right fielders who put up league average numbers.

3) Raise the payroll from $96-100 million this season to $120 million for next season. As I pointed out in the article linked above, the money is there to make this kind of increase. If they say they can't afford that then they're lying.

They're not lying, they just have no reason to waste 30 million. Makes no sense from a business standpoint.

It is also important to note that the team can also save another $36.8 million after the '08 season by letting Jim Edmonds, Juan Encarnacion (if he's not dealt before then), Jason Isringhausen, Mark Mulder, Braden Looper and Scott Spiezio walk away. They'll all be older, less valuable players after '08 than they are now anyway so I don't see any reason why letting them walk at that point would be terrible. If Mulder pitches like his old self in '08 then maybe you consider keeping him around for 2-3 more seasons but the others can be replaced by cheaper in-house options.

Mulder has been a complete bust. It's sad that his problem was purely mechanical, and it could have been dealt with when he came over in 2004, but his continued lower arm slot really created problems for his shoulder. This is really telling on his shoulder. It's true, the BOB will certainly save money when CF prospect Colby Rasmus and closer Christopher Perez take their spots in 2008 and start earning their league minimum.

The team can also take solace in the fact that Scott Rolen's contract will come off the books about halfway through a 5-7 year deal for A-Rod. Rolen is up afte 2010 and that'll save $13 million a year.
With all the potential savings I've mentioned here the Cards could afford A-Rod and a veteran starting pitcher for the rotation. Aside from Carlos Zambrano, who I believe will stay in Chicago, there aren't any #1 starters available in free agency but there are some reliable veterans that could give the team some innings. Guys like Tom Glavine, Greg Maddux, Andy Pettitte, Kenny Rogers and Livan Hernandez (not great, but guaranteed to save the bullpen) will be out there. That way you can piece together the rotation early in the season, rely on a deadly offense and deep, talented bullpen to get you by until someone (Dontrelle Willis? Johan Santana?) is available before the trading deadline.

Okay, lets all take some PCP and pretend Rodriguez comes here for 28mil a year. Can this team still win with a rotation of Wainwright, Looper, Reyes, a not 100% Mulder, and this mythical 10 million pitcher. Jesus Christ NO! That rotation will not win very many games.
2007
Runs Allowed/9 Innings: 5.26
Runs Score/9 Innings: 4.33

Now that is a huge freaking gap to close. One ten million dollar pitcher isn't gonna help much without Carpenter in the rotation. This team will rely heavily on a rebuilt Mark Mulder. And I am really curious who Weeler thinks out of this free agent crop is worth a ten million dollar investment. Players do not accept 1 year deals on the open market unless its a special deal like Clemens or someone who knows it will be their final year. So giving a multiple year deal to Glavine, Maddux, Pettitte or Rogers is not very smart considering that I could see all retiring after this year. Here are the free agents for this coming winter: Righthanders and lefthanders. There is some serious work next year for the GM, whether it be Jocketty or Luhnow. I'm a firm believer in paying big for hitting and rolling the dice with pitching. I honestly don't think Rodriguez alone would be enough to put this team on top. I think the Cards should kinda go with the philosophy they've had for the past few years. Throw enough shit at the wall and hope for it to stick. I liked the Kip Wells deal, high upside low risk. Maybe something along those lines with Matt Clement or Randy Wolf or another pitcher who has struggled with injuries on the cheap. The Brewers could be looking to rid of Dave Bush which would be a big mistake in my mind, they should feel around for him or someone about to reach arb. years.. Big risk pitching contracts can really kill a team. Mike Hampton, Darren Dreifort, Chan Ho Park, Kevin Brown, etc... If we were to add Rodriguez, even attempting to go for Santana would be out of the question because he will command the same pay. Overpaying for overrated pitchers like Willis also is not the answer. Pitchers are infinitely more luck based and injury prone than hitters. I think smart GM's should pay the large sums to hitters who stay healthier and are much less of a performance risk, and develop the young pitching from within by drafting heavy on pitching in the draft because it is much cheaper. It remains to be seen what 2008 holds as far as upper management goes, but in my mind it will heavily heavily influence the direction this team goes. If LaRussa stays, the money will definitely be thrown towards some lower tier veteran free agents. But I think LaRussa and Jocketty aren't coming back, just a hunch. In that case, this team will likely enter rebuilding mode if its sold. Of course depending on the pocketbook of the buyer, which actually could be a blessing considering its gonna cost A LOT of money to buy this team.

So, with all of that out of the way, here is how I would envision this team looking in 2008 with A-Rod and a starting pitcher coming on board and raises due for several younger guys (some of those salaries are estimates by yours truly and they are marked with an * )...

C. Yadier Molina ($3,000,000) *
1B. Albert Pujols ($16,000,000)
2B. Brendan Ryan ($400,000) *
3B. Scott Rolen ($13,790,000)
SS. Alex Rodriguez ($30,000,000)
LF. Chris Duncan ($2,000,000) *
CF. Rick Ankiel ($500,000) *
RF. Jim Edmonds ($8,000,000)

B. Gary Bennett, C ($900,000)
B. Aaron Miles, IF ($1,500,000) *
B. Ryan Ludwick, OF ($500,000) *
B. Adam Kennedy, 2B ($3,500,000)
B. Skip Schumaker, OF ($400,000) *
B. Scott Spiezio, IF-OF ($2,400,000)

SP. Adam Wainwright ($2,500,000) *
SP. Mark Mulder ($6,500,000)
SP. Braden Looper ($5,500,000)
SP. (free agent) ($10,000,000) *
SP. Anthony Reyes ($400,000) *
CL. Jason Isringhausen ($8,000,000)
RP. Tyler Johnson ($600,000) *
RP. Josh Kinney ($400,000) *
RP. Ryan Franklin ($2,000,000)
RP. Randy Flores ($1,000,000)
RP. Brad Thompson ($500,000) *
RP. Chris Perez ($325,000) *

That comes to $120.6 million dollars of payroll for 2008. Now bear in mind that this is just a 1-year increase of that magnitude and that's assuming the addition of a $10 million starting pitcher. After '08 they have another $30 million coming off the books with players who can be replaced cheaply. Edmonds ($8 million in '08) is replaced by Colby Rasmus at the minimum. Izzy $8 million) is replaced by Chris Perez near the minimum. Spiezio ($2.4 million) is replaced by a younger, cheaper player. Looper ($5.5 million) can be replaced by Jaime Garcia making the minimum after '08. Adam Kennedy can be replaced after '09 by Jarrett Hoffpauir.

Theres a major major issue that Wheeler is missing here. Chris Carpenter is on the books for 10.5 million and he doesn't account for that. Now that is a huge chunk of money and really would put the owners in a bind accounting for a 130 million dollar payroll which would make the cardinals 3rd in payroll in the MLB. oops.

Once again, for the record, I don't believe that A-Rod will actually get $30 million a year in his next deal. I think it'll be more along the lines of the $25 million per season he makes now...

I will bet you any amount of money on any odds, if you read this contact me.

So, in closing, this team absolutely could get A-Rod to wear Cardinal Red. All it would take is a short-term committment to increasing the payroll. Long-term they would make obscene amounts of money by having him around - imagine all the A-Rod jerseys they would sell, all the sponsors they could have with a guy like that chasing home run records - and then everyone would be happy.

Hypothetically yes...making money, definitely not. Let's just think about this really quick. Assume Hanser and co. don't sell the team, and they are set to pay Alex the 5/150 you are talking about...How much profit have they made over TWELVE YEARS? nah 150 mil is nothing. So they've made on average 30 mil/year. That would be asking to go dead even for the next 5 with A-Rod's contract. Not gonna freaking happen. Maybe Darren Daulton can get me drunk and we can travel to another dimension where this happens and i can prove Kevin Wheeler wrong...that would be cool.

Even though it makes perfect sense (and cents) don't hold your breath waiting for it to happen. This team doesn't strike me as being forward-thinking enough to make this all happen.

You are dumb

Just A Thought...

As we get closer to Barry Bonds breaking Henry Aaron's hallowed Home Run mark, Bud Selig is contorting, twitching, and writhing in pain over if he should attend the record breaking event....nah, we all know he's snorting coke off a dead transsexual hooker in San Francisco. But John Brattain at the Hardball Times has an interesting idea.

"If I might offer a suggestion on how to handle this, you may wish to do the following…

... be in attendance for home run No. 755. After Bonds has hit it, go onto the field and declare the all-time home run record a tie and in the future, should anybody else hit 756 HR—this time it counts!

That'll Do It

That is the end of Napoleon McCallum's career. Watch it a few times, soak it all folks. Doesn't that just make you feel good all over? He suffered a ruptured artery in his left knee, and tore three ligaments, tore the calf and hamstring from the bone, and suffered nerve damage.

Now that's how you end a career.

Bill Maas... American Hero

story



Hey, give the man a break, he's a broadcaster for Fox Sports... You need a lot of drugs in your system to work for that network. He's just living the dream and the cops are just hating on a brother.

I said it.

Gay Photo Alert

Yikes. You would think someone in the Mets PR would nix something as laden with the gay as this...maybe not.

Earl Weaver Likes His Pitchers To Stick Bats Up The Other Team's Ass

My favorite part about this, is that he was this angry about his team BEFORE the game.

Stop Snitchin'

Who would have thought that Major League Baseball and the Stop Snitchin' Movement had so much in common. For the MLB, they have no Cam'Ron to lead their crusade of killing snitches like this guy , this guy , and this guy. Instead it's this man-twat. Now Selig's latest actions should make even the casual baseball fan induce projectile vomiting. What we do know, is that Selig is planning on suspending Jason Giambi relatively soon. Now what it will be for is an entirely different question. Selig is talking both straight from his asshole...and straight from his asshole (All of Bud Selig's orifices are indeed assholes). On one side he is threatening to suspend Giambi for talking in a recent USA Today article. But he's also threatening to suspend Giambi for not talking to the head of baseball's independent steroid investigation, George Mitchell. Clearly a win-win situation for Giambi. I'm not quite sure what Selig is trying to accomplish with this, outside of trying to save how future generations will look on his record with the steroid scandal. This just reveals to me that Selig is a petty asshole who cares nothing of the game he leads. THT's John Brattain weighed in on the subject and I couldn't agree more with this:

"He’s created a situation where players are unlikely to talk.

Which is what he probably wants. Selig isn’t trying to get to the bottom of anything. Mitchell isn’t digging for management’s complicity in this fustercluck, Selig is trying to keep the focus on the players. What Bud wants from this investigation is:

1) Make sure that public perception is that performance-enhancing drugs was a baseball players scandal—not a baseball one.
2) Demonstrate to Congress and the public that the Mitchell investigation proves that he is a crusader on a mission to get to the bottom of this dirty business and restore the game’s integrity.
3) Show Congress that he is indeed "serious" about purging anabolic steroids from his sport by coming down hard on those miscreants guilty of using them. "

For Selig, it's not about the integrity of 90's baseball or the future of the game, it's all about saving face on his legacy as he finishes out his tenure as commissioner. He's trying to reflect himself as some kind of modern day Kenesaw Mountain Landis, who is ridding the game of its ills. What he's really doing is creating an extremely unhealthy environment for players who want to come clean. The very idea of Giambi placing at least some of the blame on the MLB higher ups, scares the crap out of Selig. He truly wants this as "a player's scandal." If he fails at making it a player's scandal, it will add to the many controversial/unhealthy things that have stricken baseball in the last 10+ years under his watch. The least of which include talent diffusion through expansions in '93 and '98, a taxing player's strike in '94, and the institution of a weak playoff system that has become in all honesty a crapshoot. In my eyes, his handling of the "steroid scandal" is completely inappropriate in all regards. This has to be the tipping point for baseball fans. We have to realize that Selig is not a crusader who will save the day, but simply a roadblock to progress. His two sided "stop snitching" stance is utterly unacceptable when the sport is at a crossroads. But once Selig leaves, is a solution to PED's even possible? Getting the players union and the owners to agree on something is always difficult, much less a getting an issue like PED testing resolved. But I think a permanent solution could come within the next couple of years. Giambi's remarks are very encouraging in that they recognize a) there was a problem b) something should have been done c) Not enough is being done now. So that brings us back to a solution, and the obvious answer: that the way to rid baseball completely of PED's is to institute rigorous testing like the NFL has done. But things are never that simple between the owners and the MLBPA. I think we could all agree that the healthiest outcome of steroid testing would involve the owners and players agreeing on a resolution, instead of imposed restrictions from the owner's office or (God help us if it ever came to this) Congress. However, where are we left if that resolution never comes? I've always wondered why the MLBPA can't take things into its own hands and police itself. They could require their members to undergo spot testing throughout the year and into the offseason, and impose hefty fines on violators. I think the true answer lies somewhere in the middle. Personally, I could give two shits about PED's. I think the whole thing is entirely overblown as earlier ranted here. But I'm in the minority on this one and I realize that. So we need this solution to the somewhat imaginary problem...It's just more likely that this man has the true secrets of time travel than Selig having the true answer to PED's.

Mark Kiszla is a Giant Prick

I think Kiszla has put himself into the running for Prince of Douchebaggery '07 with this slice of filth. Now this might be a slight stereotype, but judging from the looks of Kiszla, please forgive me if I'm wrong, but I'm gonna go out an a limb and say that he's no expert on "the hippity hop" or whatever these kids are calling it these days. What Kiszla does in this article, is draw(actually fails at drawing) a freaking bizarre correlation between J.R. Smith's recent car crash in which his friend died, and the "hip-hop lifestyle" that Smith has "embraced." Let's dissect the gold:

"The basketball career of Nuggets guard J.R. Smith is speeding down the highway to Hades."

Sweet jesus that is lame. Not sure if that's what they teach you in J-school, since I'm a dropout myself, but a more honest beginning for Kiszla would go like: "I like Adam Morrison because he listens to white people music, unlike these damned hippity hoppers who are destroying the game."

"And that's the least of his worries. A funeral awaits a friend, while the law sifts through the wreckage of a deadly car accident."

"What's infuriating is Smith tried so hard to live the lyrics of a rap song that he could now become tragic inspiration for a rhyme about a professional baller who threw it all away."

So...by getting in a major traffic accident, in which unfortunately a good friend of his died, J.R. Smith was simply portraying what he hears in Jay Z, 50 Cent, and Dr. Dre's music???

"Born to a good home, raised by two loving parents and made rich as a teenager by the NBA, Smith was so desperate for the street cred glorified by hip-hop culture that he became a poseur, thinking if he wore baggy shorts half off his bum, then maybe Carmelo Anthony, Kenyon Martin, and teammates who came up from mean streets would accept him."

r(eireaoihgr!#$h57 God knows that those khaki cargos and spray bottle of Nautica cologne I carried gave me sick screet cred in grade school. The straight to NBA/automatic social deviant case is a loose one. I'd say LeBron has handled his money/life well...Garnett, even Kobe and Melo. Sure there are golden examples of players getting craploads of money at a young age and behaving poorly... Elijah Dukes, Mike Tyson, and Doc Gooden probably being the best one.

"Smith is a gangsta wannabe who got lost in a dangerous game of make-believe."

4y3jktigu34qtq...Am I missing something? Have they concluded that the cause of J.R. missing the stop sign last Saturday was due to that venomous rap music? Or was he just speeding? Just speeding? OK. So it wasn't cuz the new T-Pain album makes you ignore stop signs? You confuse me you crazy bastard Mark Kiszla. Keep it coming.

"Feigning cool to hide insecurity, Smith found trouble more ways than you can count during the past nine months. He got suspended for a brawl in a game at New York. He got in a fight with teammate Jamal Sampson that the Nuggets kept hush-hush. He got booted from the playoffs by coach George Karl."

Well since I learned to read and count, (thank you hooked on monkey phonics) I count three accounts that you give (4 including this ACCIDENT), certainly three or four is not as high as I can count (I hope). The first of which is defensible in my opinion. In the Knicks/Nuggets brawl seen here, I can't say I would react differently, what Mardy Collins did was totally out of line and is very reminiscent of the Todd Bertuzzi hit on Steve Moore that paralyzed him. Collins came after his neck hard and Smith was fortunate to get up, I think we can forgive him for being a tad bit pissed off.

"But is he sorry?"

"Although the young player once amassed 27 points on his driving record in less than a year and a New Jersey prosecutor vows an investigation to determine whether Smith should face more serious criminal charges, there was no mention of an apology in the team statement released Tuesday."

Of course he's sorry and of course there was no team statement, the man just lost a good friend in an accident that HE is the cause of, and of course Smith is more than likely terribly shaken. Do you really think a team statement from J.R. is the ultimate show a remorse? Have some damn sense. If I was in Bell's family and I had just lost a loved one, why would a team statement have any weight whatsoever?

It's true, Smith has been far from a model teammate or citizen, racking up 27 points on his license in less than a year. It's just frustrating that Kiszla doesn't emphasize his reckless driving record, and instead blames the hip hop lifestyle, which would be an allbeit dumb argument, but still an argument if he used something to freaking back it up. He keeps reiterating throughout the article that Smith is "white" by all standards of society: growing up "down the clean working-class street from where Bruce Springsteen grew up," and learning the urban life from shows like "The Wire" on HBO. The most frustrating thing is that Kiszla never draws any connections with the poisonous hip hop lifestyle, he just slams it without regard. I guess in Kiszla's eyes, If you wear baggy shorts and listen to Jay Z, you get what you deserve if you die in a car accident.

Elijah Dukes Hates Condoms...Loves Foster Children

Just when you thought that crazy asshole Elijah Dukes couldn't get into more trouble, the St. Petersburg Times is reporting that Elijah has now dispersed some of his baby gravy in none other than an underaged Foster child that was staying at his step-grandmother's house. The Times reports that the sex was "consensual" and "no crime was committed." My favorite part of the story is that it goes on to tell that the sex happened "on the living room sofa." Now that's quality journalistic material and brings a certain factual integrity that the St. Petersburg Times needs. I'm actually surprised that Dukes had enough class to slip his seed on his grandmother's sofa. I took him for being more of a back of a stolen '91 Toyota Corolla guy. The article mentions that when Dukes was told that he was the father, he threw a Gatorade bottle at her. To be fair, the manner of the throwing of the Gatorade is not mentioned, it could have been that Dukes was meaning to christen his new baby's momma with gatorade, showering her vulva with the drink of champions. Dukes has really shown range with his arrests and behavior. He's been arrested for assault, resisting an officer, possession of marijuana, had a restraining order from his wife put on him for threatening to kill her and their children, and coming this winter, will be his sixth child from 5 different women. There really is no parallel athlete on the planet. He's turning into a fun amalgamation of Mike Tyson, Damon Stoudamire, and Shawn Kemp.

Tony Parker is taking it to the streets.

Warning: French rapping.

I love how hard Tony is trying to make himself look... He's goddamn Tony Parker!

God I hope the Cavs win.

Oh yeah, and if the Spurs win, it will be the seventh championship for Robert Horry. Think about that for a moment.

Ron Mexico has his papers, don't front.

As everybody knows, Michael Vick might very well be prosecuted with charges of illegal dog fighting, animal cruelty, and all that jazz. yahoo

I learned from this article that Michael Vick is a licensed dog breeder... and that just makes me wonder... how in the fucking hell did that happen? I mean... what all do you have to do to become a licensed dog breeder... is it like getting your drivers license renewed or something?

We here at The Daily Diatribe were lucky enough to find a copy of the application Vick filled out to become a dog breeder and we'd love to share it with you now.



Just go ahead and click the picture to view the full application that Vick turned in.

As you can see, he only filled out the first couple of lines, and we've learned that attached to the form was an envelope that said "fuck this shit I'm Michael Vick" and inside of the envelope was ten grand.

None of that is true. Or is it? Well, it's not for me to say.

Hahaha... lamest way to break your leg ever

Okay, so it's during a kickboxing match... and that's pretty manly or gay or something... I don't know. Anyway, he kicked the guy, all the other guy did was block his kick and the white dude's leg just turned into jelly. Wimp. Drink some milk, Jesus.

I have no idea who that guy is... and I don't really care.